is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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