As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
