she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
