Betty ford says i'm here all night
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
