Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
