You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
