apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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