Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
