Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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