I can't breathe out the right side of my face
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
