I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
