just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
