drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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