He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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