remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
