when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
