rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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