Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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