thus making me awesome and them whores
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
