Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
