A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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