Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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