Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
