yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Say something about gay babies.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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