When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
