U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
