I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
