Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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