You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
