yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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