is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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