is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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