I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
