In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
