some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
