This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
