The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
