My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
