i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
