I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
