we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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