You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
