Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
