You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
