Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
