How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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