I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
