He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
