She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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