she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
